tonight: aberdeen for $2 shots and board games followed by rehab @ olive tomorrow: i’m taking a break from what is to come. cleaning and taking pictures of my apartment to sublet so that nicole and i can live in peace without roommates drawing penises on the doors or people breaking in. (secretly i just found out there is some VICE thing where they are going to be interviewing steve albini & mick collins and i might want to go.) wednesday: adam popp is in town. rino with paul, for sure. thursday: flight by night @ debonair and dirty diamonds @ empty bottle friday: probably AK if my girlfriend, caiti, has to work that night. and the rest is history. until monday when… it is derek’s homecoming from tour and my ACTUAL birthday at midnight. people jumping out of cakes and madness will be occurring. tuesday is the mountain goats and john vanderslice show with cory and nicole, followed by paul’s first night promoting at lumen!
this next week is going to kick my ass, but i’m going to love every minute of it.
kuma's//angels and kings//pretending that it's summer...
what do you think of when people say they want to go to kuma’s? i think of the only button mashable video game that girls like: tekken. if you didn’t know, tekken has a character that is a bear. in some of the games he wears a red t-shirt and red sneakers. i hate that. bears don’t wear clothes. dear video game land, don’t insult my favorite animal.
anyhow, this is kuma
over there to the right. he is sort of a badass. if you have to ask why, we probably shouldn’t be friends anyway. i mean really. just look at him. he gives “bear hugs” in the game and they suck the life out of his opponents. bad. ass.
so i’m going to kuma’s tonight with baker, paul and caiti which should probably just be awesome. i guess we are going to angels and kings tonight, too. as long as it isn’t rainbo, i’m good. i think people hate that i hate rainbo so much. cory called it an “irrational fear” earlier. i think it is just one of those stubborn things where i just keep hating something just to hate it. i’m fine with that.
it looks really pretty outside but secretly, it isn’t. it is still fucking cold. i’m over it. i’m just going to pretend it is warm outside like it has been and wear crop tops and leggings.
p.s. all i am wearing this summer is the following (and not necessarily all at once): cut off jean shorts, tie-up crop tops, leggings, high heels, onesies. that’s it. oh, and i wanna get a perm so i can look like lily cole in that marilyn manson photoshoot. what marilyn manson photoshoot? oh that. <——-
get over it. i’m gonna be hot like sandy after she had the makeover to win danny zuko’s heart.
is today going to be one of those days that my boss leaves me alone for no apparent reason? i hope not because i don’t think i could stay at work all day doing something close to nothing when 70 degrees and sunny is calling my name outside.
today i asked dan where everyone was when i came into work. he said, “probably at home, in bed, underneath their warm little green blankets.” i laughed for a long time at the fact that, that was his first response. also someone left mini candy bars on everyone’s desks in the office.
we picked a girl to hire, i think. her name is tara and she was definitely my favorite of the bunch we had come in for shadowing, outside of nicole, of course, but she didn’t shadow, she interviewed. it sucks (but is understandable) that they hesitated bringing her in just because we are friends. lame.
it’s st. patrick’s day. being irish and all, i am supposed to care, and i do. but it turns out i don’t actually know anything about st. patrick’s day so i am going to do some research today in all my down time that i am obviously going to have. if ever i have been at work for an hour and not heard from my boss, i will not hear from him much throughout the day.
last night was retarded. my new goal is to stop saying “retarded” about everything. it probably won’t happen. i use it for so many things… but it is going to be like that one time i was talking about this guy with no hand and then whitney hicks told me her mom didn’t have an arm. i am amazing at digging holes and then trying to climb my way out of them. usually the climb is rather slow and painful. oops!
but last night. it was retarded. nicole, paul and i went to aberdeen and nicole and i each had 4 shots of whiskey and paul drove. we went to olive and acted crazy and made fun of people WAY too loud. it was pretty fun. i feel like someone poisoned me today though. my stomach hates me and so does my brain. gah.
i’m not going to blog about the one thing i want to because i get myself in trouble a lot. a whole lot. so, that’s that. update for the day, and saying just that much makes me feel better. i need a nap and a new pair of shoes! black flats please&thanks.
“Lately I don’t think of you at all or wonder what you’re up to or how you’re getting on. I never think of calling you or how things could have been or wonder where you sleep at night or whose arms you wake in. I’m living alone, living alone, I don’t need you anymore.”—the helio sequence
my friends, my habits, my family. they mean so much to me.
always in a rush, i leave work at 4pm on the dot. sometimes i drive that day so that i can escape this city just minutes faster than if i were to take the bus or the train back to my apartment. my bags are already packed and the only thing left to do is take dipset on a walk and throw him in the back seat with his toys and blankets. he never plays with the toys and he uses the blankets only as a net for the drool pouring out of his mouth. i look in my rear view and see dip shaking and tell him he is going to be fine. at this point in the trip, he hates me and it has only been ten minutes.
western to 290. 290 to 94E. 94E to 65S. i’ve crossed the border, fought rush hour traffic and have about five hours of highway surrounded by flat land, a sunset and sometimes forest fires to reflect. the time to myself is more than appreciated since i hardly ever get any.
when i go home, i am more than anxious to get there. there is always a reason i am going; holidays, birthdays, long weekends or just the fact that i haven’t been there in a while. it is the best when it is to escape chicago for a couple of days. that’s why i’m going this weekend.
it isn’t that i don’t want to deal with the things going on in my life, but i want to deal with them with the people i care about most and feel the safest with. i want to be able to go out with my friends without looking over my shoulder and sit at home with my family without thinking about what is a mile down the road. i just need a refreshing break, and louisville always does it for me. i think coming back is going to be the hard part this time because i have missed it for a while now. we’ll see.
“She survived it. She was able to survive it, because she did not believe in suffering. She faced with astonished indignation the ugly fact of feeling pain, and refused to let it matter. Suffering was a senseless accident, it was not part of life as she saw it. She would not allow pain to become important. She had no name for the kind of resistance she offered, for the emotion from which the resistance came; but the words that stood as its equivalent in her mind were: It does not count – it is not to be taken seriously. She knew these were the words, even in the moments when there was nothing left within her but screaming and she wished she could lose the faculty of consciousness so that it would not tell her that what could not be true was true. Not to be taken seriously – an immovable certainty within her kept repeating – pain and ugliness are never to be taken seriously. She fought it. She recovered. Years helped her to reach the day when she could face her memories indifferently, then the day when she felt no necessity to face them. It was finished and of no concern to her any longer.”—atlas shrugged