it is either sunday morning or saturday night, depending on your lifestyle. the sun is coming up and the only thing i have to protect me from it is a sheet that i have draped over the curtain rod which stretches across my full wall of windows. i only appreciate the windows because of the skyline view, which i can’t really draw pleasure from now that i have covered it with the sheet. for the most part, the windows let in too much light that i am forever ungrateful for, as i am a ginger with blue eyes and the sun and i do not agree. (they say that if you have light eyes, they are more sensitive to the sun.)
my bedroom is surprisingly large and i spend most of my time outside of work and leisure activities here. one wall is a darker shade of taupe than the rest. i feel like it was meant to be and so i can’t decide if i want to paint over it or not. i’m thinking i should leave it be because if you are content with the way something is, why tamper with it?
my dog is lying at the foot of my bed and he situates himself frequently so that he is touching my body in some way or completely emersed in the sheets. he thinks he is people. i always say that he is the only man i’ll ever need, but this has become somewhat of a farce and more of a cliche line to use on people who have a very limited thought process.
of course he isn’t the only man i’ll ever need; a) he is a dog and not a man. b) he will die in 11 years and then what would i be left with?
after spending a night out in pilsen and wicker with my friends in a sober state, i realized that i don’t hate everything as much as i thought i did. never did i think i could be at flat iron sober and have a good time, since i can barely have a good time there drunk, but i did.
the sun may be coming up, and for the first time in a long time i might actually be able to enjoy it without the effect of booze or anything else telling me that it is amazing. it is amazing. it is beautiful.
i am at peace and the world is as well. i’m done worrying about past and pety things. i have it really good and i am a very lucky person. i truly love my life, and i hope those of you who read this entire thing love yours as well.
i often feel like i need a huge change, but i’m never exactly sure what it is.
lately, i feel surrounded by robots and that my mind can’t breathe. i can’t write anything of any worth. i can’t even organize my thoughts well enough to make a legitimate point right now. i don’t want to leave my room for a number of reasons, one being that i just really enjoy it in here. part of me feels uncomfortable doing the same things over and over every day. i’m burning out.
i want to work harder at my job. i want to rid my life of shitty people, and people i talk shit about. i want to limit the time i spend at the places i hate with the people i love. i want to spend time with the people i love doing things that we all love to do. i want summer to feel like summer instead of like a chore.
don’t get me wrong. i’ve had some amazing times this year so far and i don’t doubt that it is going to get better, but i’ve also had a rough week or so and i need to do something about it. i’m taking steps in the right direction but i want to take a leap.